JUNE - a Time of New Life and New Beginnings

June has been a powerful presence in my life for many years and she holds most of my memorable life moments within her glorious 30 day time span.

My firstborn child came to me on an early evening near the middle of June, with the sky blue as a robin's egg and the earth hot from the day's sun. Five years later my third and last child woke me in the wee hours of this, the last day of June, and made her entrance shortly after the sun had risen, when the shadows were still long and the cool morning air smelled sweet & damp. Just this past week my new grandson made his entrance in the middle of the night, quietly increasing the population of the sleeping city by one very precious person.

Huge milestones such as these, many of my life's "firsts" including starting & ending relationships and even the first steps in discovering myself ... all have happened in June. And this year June has given me more "firsts" to celebrate along with my grandson and my children's birthdays ...

As I mentioned in my first blog, I managed to win the internal battle against my lack of self esteem long enough to hoist a victory flag and launch my fledgling business! While baby birds were testing their wings in the warm June air and taking their first tentative flights, I was also trying to spread my creative wings, let go of my insecurities and allow myself the freedom to believe in me and my ideas. It's a hard thing to do, this stilling of the negative voices ... they really don't like to give up! I've lost the battle many times in the past, sometimes without any chance of winning, sometimes very shortly after what I thought was victory. But something is different this time around - I have a strength of purpose I've never felt before. At least in this context I'm confident my victory will endure.

Something is blossoming inside me and I know my time to shine is at hand. When I close my eyes I see a beautiful flower bud, like a peony or a lotus, in the center of me. It's slowly opening and as it opens a golden white light  radiates out from it's center, and I am filled with this Light. I know that what is unfolding inside of me is part of the reason I won the battle, and winning the battle is part of the reason it has grown and feels so powerful!

June arrived in all her burgeoning beauty, full of promise. She did not disappoint! She is departing, having given me the gift of new beginnings to fill both my heart and my soul. Life is so very good!

Let the journey continue!

"water lilies" photograph by Sheelagh Newton. All rights reserved

Time to Talk - an Inner Dialogue Between Artistic Self & Bluebeard (Negative Me)

This is a whole new world for me! A friend suggested I start blogging just last week. Never thought of it before then. But I realized I DO have things to say, ideas to share, and a light I want to shine for all to see! Funny that this idea is so new, since I toyed with the idea of creating a website for a couple of years and only did it a few weeks ago. I know what you're thinking - sounds like procrastination at it's finest! But it wasn't really that. It was lack of belief in my artistic self. 

I kept letting that voice inside tell me that my creations weren't really all that good, that there were millions more talented people out there than me, and that I wouldn't sell a thing because no-one would want to buy what I had made! It seems stupid to think so negatively about something I love to do, something that makes me feel *so very good* and sets my Soul to singing when I'm doing it. Sadly it was all too easy for self doubt to whisper and eventually shout in my head. No amount of praise from friends and loved ones could get me beyond the taunting dismissal of my work by my own inner mind. As a reader of Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes book "Women Who Run With the Wolves" I realized that Bluebeard had moved in on my Artist, and he was doing his finest work on our dreams!!

You see, I have a vision of myself and my world, and it was never going to come to pass if we didn't shut this ugly voice down. I found self worth and self belief for the first time several years ago, and became such a better person for it ... I now needed to do that for the artist in me. So instead of listening and caving in, I began a dialogue between my artistic soul and my negative self. It went something like this:
(Artist in Me): I love this new collage I created!
(Bluebeard): what's the point? you don't do anything with them. No-one will want to buy it.
(Artist in Me): Why not? It's good!
(Bluebeard): There are so many REAL artists out there - this is just stuff you bought or pictures you took, all jumbled together. It's not ART.
(Artist in Me): Lots of people like my work. I don't have to paint or sculpt to be considered an artist. I create my own style of art!


And so it went for many months, the Artist in Me slowly getting the upper hand, until one day I realized that Bluebeard wasn't so loud, didn't leap in as quickly as before, and had less to say about why I wouldn't make it! It was clear that we had negativity on the run, and the time was right to take action!


Don't get the wrong idea - I know and have always known that I might not "make it" selling my creations. But if I didn't try, then it's a given that I would *never* succeed and then Bluebeard / Negative Me would have won. I was able to overcome my fear and my self doubt to create and publish a website. Now, I'm trying a blog as well. I look upon these things as major accomplishments, great victories for the Artistic Soul!


Let the Journey continue!